Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
