hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
