I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
