i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize