I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize