i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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