I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
