If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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