you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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