We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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