Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
