Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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