Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
