i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize