theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
