More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
