this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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