we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
