I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
