He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
