My nipple is on Facebook.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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