I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
