there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
