what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
