Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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