i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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