I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
