he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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