Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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