I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Alive.
So much puke
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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