drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
