tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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