wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just tell him i said nine months
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
