I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize