we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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