I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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