we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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