how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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