They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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