At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
