Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
