Only a mothe r could love this liver
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
