you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
