Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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