I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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