Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize