Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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