i think i have herpe
just one?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sext me about skeletons
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
