Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
