so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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