the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
