Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
