we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
