Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
