My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
