in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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