So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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