Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize