dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just cropdusted the office
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize