Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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