new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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