Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
