I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just made my gag reflex go away.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
