don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
