I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
