Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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