if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
