She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
