So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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