Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
