then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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