How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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