I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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