They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
