dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
