If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
