fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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