A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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