You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
