just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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