So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
