This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
