Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
